The Bill in the Night

The Bill in the Night

It's not a good idea to leave the Holy Land for any real length of time if you live here.

At least, it's not a good idea if you have not first deposited a very large amount of money into your bank account to cover standing orders left with utility and credit card companies. It has taken more than six weeks for me to untangle the mess I encountered upon my return this time around, and I am still working out the snarls.

The latest is a wrestling match with the country's telecommunications giant, Bezeq. Dealing with customer service from this firm is a little like trying to hang on to an oiled seal in the surf. Here's how it went this time around:

"Hi, I'd like to discuss my phone bill. I know the line is cut off for non-payment -- I was out of the country for an extended period -- and I need to straighten out the finances."

"That's fine, please give me your identification information."

This is already a problem because I have spent the past year trying to get the phone company to change the name on the account. My husband, of blessed memory, left this world nearly two years ago. But Bezeq is dedicated to perpetuating his presence by refusing to change the account to my name. I explained the problem, and it took 15 minutes to convince the representative it needed to be dealt with. 

"Please send me a copy of your identification card."

"I do not have a fax machine and cannot send you a scan by email because you have cut off my phone and internet line."

"Oh, right. Well, you need to pay the bill and then we will restore it."

"Fine. But please change the name on the account."

"No problem. Send me your identification card, please."

You see the way this is going.

"Is there a way I can pay this bill in cash? The bank has bolixed all my credit cards and everything else on the account."

"No."

"Then how can I pay you?"

"You will have to come to a service center. The closest one is in Be'er Sheva (an hour away)."

"I am not spending half a day in order to pay a phone bill, sorry. Find a better solution."

"You have to pay the bill. Find a credit card. Or pay it online."

"You have cut off my internet line, and anyway I have no credit card. I am perfectly willing to pay it in cash, and you must have some outlet where I can pay this bill in cash here in town. This is ridiculous. Figure this out. That is YOUR job, not mine."

"It is YOUR bill, YOU pay the bill."

"It is YOUR company, YOU figure it out if you want me to pay it. YOU find a solution to this problem. It's not my fault you have a stupid policy. Figure out a way for me to pay you in real money for a change."

"Hm. Well, let me check this list here.... okay. There is a store call Tzeing . . . have you heard of it? It is located in the business center in your town, and it is open from 7 pm to 11 pm. You can pay the bill there in cash."

"You're kidding, right? I am nearly 60 years old, alone, and you want me to go to a kiosk that I don't even know, that is ONLY open from seven to eleven at night, to pay a bill of hundreds of shekels, in the dark center of town? REALLY?? SERIOUSLY?? With all the Sudanese here in town?? What planet are you on?"

"That is the only place that is on this list where they accept cash in payment without a paper bill. You were getting emailed bills."

"Hey -- that is not MY fault. I requested mailed bills months ago. Why weren't they sent? And why am I being billed for services I never received? For that matter, why am I being billed for a month in which my service was cut off??"

"You have to pay this bill. I cannot help you until you do. Then I can talk about reducing the fee."

"This is garbage. I think I am going to simply change companies altogether. I don't really need this line. We never use it anyway. I just need the internet."

"As it happens, when you pay it, there is a new package with a reduced rate."

"That's not doing me any good if I cannot pay the thing. Figure out a solution or we are NOWHERE."

"I don't have a solution."

"Then it's not getting paid and we are both screwed."

"Why don't you go to the post office and get a one-time temporary credit card? A lot of people use those."

"Huh? What's that? Explain."

"There are credit cards that you can buy for a given amount of money, and then you simply use it to pay the bill."

"SO WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE?????????"

"I didn't think of it. Sorry."

"I'll go get one now."

"Great. Call me back. We'll cut the fees by 20 percent starting next month."

Reflections on the Rockets' Red Glare

As the Sabbath waned in a Tel Aviv hospital last Saturday afternoon, the last flickering energy of the Lion of Israel entered the World to Come. With that, former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon joined his predecessors and passed into history.

Although Mr. Sharon's passing was said to be peaceful, his enemies and those of the State of Israel were unable to resist a parting shot; several, to be precise. Terrorists in Gaza launched a barrage of rocket attacks aimed at the former prime minister's ranch that night, and again just a short time after his body was interred on the property next to that of his wife.

Yet despite the violence and the body barely cold, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry didn't miss a beat, rushing to again press Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu for concessions to the Palestinian Authority so they would "stay in the process" for the final status talks.

Defense Minister Moshe Ya'alon, a seasoned military intelligence professional, knew this truly to be "theater of the absurd," as he finally called it, exasperated with the ridiculous charade being played out in the public eye. He was forced to "apologize" for his words; in international diplomacy, honesty is rarely the best policy. It is only Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman, Israel's "axe man," who can generally get away with such behavior. He has carefully cultivated the image of being a man of no culture at all.

Nevertheless, it is important to realize that Mr. Ya'alon spoke the truth. Equally important is the fact that although the prime minister himself cannot endorse it, the defense minister's statement likely could not have been made without Mr. Netanyahu's tacit agreement.

I'd like to believe that Ariel Sharon would have been proud of Ya'alon's statement, once upon a time, in the days before Gush Katif. . . before his own government expelled so many Jews from their homes and destroyed their livelihoods in 2005. We cannot judge him -- that is for the Heavenly Court. It is impossible to know what he would have or could have done following the Disengagement from Gaza because his career was summarily cut short just five months later by the massive stroke that silenced him for all time. 

What we do know is that we have had no peace since the day Israel's security forces drove their brethren from their own homes. Even back then, we had no "peace partner" in the Palestinian Authority despite having shown "good faith" -- we evacuated an entire region for its use, rendering it entirely Judenrein. Instead, the fully functioning greenhouses we left for their use were destroyed, and towns that could have become new villages and campuses became instead terrorist training camps and missile launching sites.

Upgraded technology allowed those so-called "peace partners" to create newer and better weaponry. They improved their ability to kidnap hostages -- including an IDF soldier. We were later forced to exchange more than one thousand jailed PA Arab terrorists, among them hundreds of multiple murderers, in order to secure his safe return. 

In the eight years that Mr. Sharon lay comatose in his hospital bed, more than 10,000 rockets, missiles and mortar shells were fired at southern and central Israel, reaching as far north as Tel Aviv. Hundreds of men, women and children were wounded; many died. Tens of thousands have been permanently disabled due to the trauma they suffered.

And yet they continue to live in their communities and life goes on. It's a beautiful region, southern Israel. Why shouldn't they live in their homes? Israel has learned how to protect its people despite the attacks, and the people have learned to deal with them. 

Now the United States is pressuring Israel to repeat the process in the Jordan Valley,  Judea and Samaria, on an exponentially wider scale, and to include Jerusalem -- Israel's capital city, the holiest place on earth -- in the bargain. Jerusalem of Gold, the city of David, the heart of the People of Israel . . . for which every Jew has yearned through millennia. Where Jews have lived for more than three thousand years. 

I am no gambler, nor am I a prophet, but I wonder whether the Palestinian Authority wouldn't prefer a state of war to a true peace at any price. 

I do not believe there will be an agreement -- I believe there will be an agreement to disagree, quiet and unstated, understood and acted out. Everyone knows that no PA leader has any real mandate to ink an agreement on behalf of the Arab people living in Judea, Samaria and/or Gaza. Those regions are not united and never were. Nor will they ever be, because those peoples are not one people. They are as diverse as their ancestors were. It is time that "outsiders" give them the credit due them and begin to understand who they are.

It is impossible for any PA leader to sign an agreement because the next person to lead that entity has the choice to simply ignore what was signed. And more often than not, they do.  For this reason in addition to all the others, Israel cannot and must not sign stupid agreements with the PA. They are not worth the paper on which they are written. Everyone in the Middle East knows this. Apparently only the Americans have not figured this out.

Welcome to the neighborhood, Earthlings. May I offer you some Bedouin tea?

A Small Negev Visitor Brings Terror to Our Home

It's amazing how quickly one's attention at work can be diverted by a shriek.

Even if you're a writer, accustomed to screaming all around you, there's a certain type of scream that comes with terror that cannot be ignored.

Such a scream split the air around me this afternoon when my teenaged daughter frantically demanded my attention, outside my home office. I never allow anyone to pull me out of my home office during work hours -the quality of this scream was clearly out of the ordinary.

As the shrieking escalated, I got up and ambled out -- until I saw what was inspiring the noise.

My eyes widened.

What clearly looked like a poisonous spider was crouched on the back of my favorite sofa and it looked like it was sneering at me.

The thing was nearly as big as my hand.  "It can move VERY fast," my daughter whispered. "Be careful."

An unnecessary warning, that last. I rapidly estimated what it would take to either trap it or kill it -- but at least, to find a way to get it contained.

My eyes flicked first to the large blue plastic basin, but that seemed too big. "What if it crawls out from under it?" my daughter said. Good point.

I narrowed it down to a Revereware sauce pot. Spider stew, anyone?

I wondered if I would have to kasher the pot after this -- then discarded the idea altogether. The pot was still too big. Saved by the size.

I realized suddenly as it began to move that I was making a big mistake in my thinking. "I don't want to TRAP it," I thought to myself. "This is the enemy. A threat to my family. I want to KILL it."

My brows lowered, and it occurred to me that a large flat book was much more the thing. Clearing a space and kicking extraneous items out of the way, I prepared to do battle.

The creature's seven legs (yes, seven with brown and black markings, ugly as hell) started picking their way leisurely across the back of that sofa, and then down a cushion and into the seat. Stealthily, I poked the cushion aside.

It raced up the sofa and up to the top of the back, to what it perceived was safety -- right on top of my son's baseball glove.

Thwack!

I struck it dead on, a direct hit. And then another, as its body fell twitching to the cold stone floor, where I stomped on it with a shoe for a good measure.

Eyes blazing, I informed my daughter the enemy was vanquished.

Three hours later, I am still shaking.

I have always hated spiders.

Aish HaTorah Does Rosh Hashana

The world-famous Aish HaTorah Yeshiva in Jerusalem's Old City has put together another super holiday music video, this one the Rock Anthem for Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year.



Enjoy! (Gevaldig shots of the Jewish Quarter...)

A Wordless Video That Impacted Me

This needs no words. You'll see.



Pass it on. Tell your friends to visit my blog.
(Special thanks to Baruch Gordon for the "heads up" on this...)
A good and sweet New Year, inscribed in the Book of Life, for all!

Video of the Collapse of the WTC Twin Towers on 9/11

On September 11, 2001, a gang of Al Qaeda terrorists executed the deadliest attack ever on American soil. In a multi-prong operation they hijacked four airliners on a suicide mission.

Two were flown directly into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City.

In New York, a horrified young couple watched from their 36th-story window in a skyscraper about 500 yards from the ritzy World Trade Center as the attack unfolded before their eyes. By a miracle, they had the presence of mind to grab a video camera and record the tragedy for history's sake, and for the sake of those who must learn from this terrible nightmare. The following home video by "Bob" and "Bri," released five years ago, has been distributed by the U.S. National Terror Alert. It was posted subsequently on the Arutz Sheva English language website today to commemorate the tenth anniversary of the worst terrorist attack in U.S. history.



The third plane was flown into the Pentagon in Washington D.C. But the fourth never reached its target thanks to an equally daring group of passengers on the flight, who decided to sacrifice their lives to a greater cause and fought off their captors, derailing their plans and crashing the plane instead into an open field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. It never managed to crash into what investigators later came to believe was the Capitol building in Washington D.C., where both the Senate and House of Representatives were in full session at the time. Had that plane succeeded in its mission, Al Qaeda would have destroyed America's federal government that day.

May the memory of the thousands who were lost in that conflagration be for a blessing, and may their blood be avenged.